


Don’t Kill My Sunshine

by FaneLothaireBloodpaw



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Irondad Bingo 2019, POV Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, cancer!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-09-18 22:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaneLothaireBloodpaw/pseuds/FaneLothaireBloodpaw
Summary: An Alternate Universe where Irondad and Spiderson weren't superheroes.(Cancer!AU)Tony was the CEO of Stark Industry, the most successful company on Earth and had billions of dollars in his account. Tony wasn't really a serious person as he would waste his money on useless things, drinking in a nightclub until he was drunk and always being rude to people, but he hadn't come to the nightclub as often as he used to when he met Pepper Potts, soon to be Mrs Stark.But then, everything changed when he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and had to stay in a cancer hospital.Three years later, he got a roommate in a form of teenage boy, who taught him to learn how to see positivity in the darkness.Would everything get better or worse?Would they make it through the harsh of life?





	1. Prologue

"Why?", I asked, my eyes watching his every move.

"You do realise that you're going to be blind and your body is slowly dying, right? Yet you wake up every morning like the world vomits sunshine and rainbow. Why?"

He grinned widely, looking at me with his big brown eyes before turning to the clouds at the sky. "Many of us act as if we're going to live forever. We ignore or delay things we know deep down, we must do. Going after your dreams, telling people you love about how you really feel. Saying yes, saying no. We forget that there are no guarantees of next year, next month or even tomorrow. For most people, when they die, it'll be a mere formality. The truth is, one day it will all be over."

"When I wake up every morning with that thought in my mind, my life becomes powerful, because I can now release all fears from my life. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of everything. With that in your mind, you can choose kindness over being right. Choose the hard task but rewarding instead of easy but meaningless one. Choose to help other people instead of yourself. Choose to become the person you wanted to be remembered as", he finally finished and looked back at me, smile never leaving his face.

"But still," I said, looking down at the floor, frowning. "How can you be happy all the time and stay positive when you know you're dying. It's easier said than done".

" Because I'm dying,Tony.", I gave him a baffled look, because that didn't make any sense.

"We are dying. If you keep getting upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth it wasting your time being unhappy, Tony. I want to live every second of my life", his smile fell a little.

For a moment I saw something in his eyes. Fear. As if he truly believed that he was going to die unhappy.

" I lost everything, Tony. Happiness is all I have left."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story.  
Please leave a comment because I would love to know your thoughts about the story.


	2. Roommate

Hi, my name is Tony Stark. That's right, the owner of Stark Industry, the most successful company on Earth. I'm a 42-year-old engineer and I happened to have cancer. Liver cancer to be exact, and I am going to tell you about my story. I was diagnosed with cancer nearly three years ago. Ever since, I had passed the company to my fiancé, Pepper Potts, and had been staying in this freaking hospital. I still didn't get it to why I couldn't get my treatment in my house. I had money. I'm a billionaire to speak out loud.

The doctors always told me not to give up and kept on fighting those petty cancer. From the ab initio, they had guaranteed me and my family (Pepper and Rhodey) that they would find the cure for my cancer, and I believed them. And that was a mistake. Cancer was a disease that was stronger that the modern medication. And I did what they told me not to do. I gave up.

Pepper and Rhodey, however, weren't the sit down and do nothing type of people. They'd been searching and researching about the best way to 'fix' me.

There were over 1000 patients diagnosed with cancer in this hospital. When compared to money, it seemed like a small value. Hell, I used to spend 1000 dollars per day. But 1000 patients of cancers, that was a lot. I regretted ever drinking alcohol. Listen, people. Do not drink alcohol every day or you will turn out like me. Trust me.

"How're you holding up", Rhodey asked me. I kept my eyes on my fingernails, really uninterested with the questions that I had gotten far way too many time.

"Ouh, I feel absolutely great, Honeybear. I can run for hours if you let me", my voice practically dripping with sarcasm. "I love all the doctors here, the nurses are great. Did I tell you how glad I am to be here?"

"Tones," he said. I looked at him and he was really unimpressed with my attitude, shooting me his disapproval expression.

"What? At least I answered the questions."

"True", Pepper said, "But an honest answer would be nice, Tony", she gave me her sweet but tired smile. I felt guilt came crawling into my chest. They had been nothing but supportive to me but I couldn't help it. What was I supposed to say? 'Ouh, I feel like absolute shit and I just want to die'. It wasn't like I could say that. "Sorry".

We were all in my doctor's room, Dr. Natasha Romanoff. The room's atmosphere was really awkward and I couldn't take it anymore. "May I go now?".

She just pinched her temple and looked up at me. "Sure".

Don't get me wrong.Natasha was a really good doctor.She was my favourite doctor so far and I was certain she was everybody's favourite. She didn't give you pity looks and certainly didn't treat you like you're fragile and about to shatter. She didn't take anyone's bullshit, during or outside of her work. But I really needed to go now because I was mentally and physically exhausted. Yeah, cancer did that to you.

"Just make sure you get back to your room at 6pm for your meds", she sighed. I just waved my hand and walked towards the door. "Of course, how can I forget about my favourite moment of the day",again with sarcasm. I dragged my legs towards my room. I really sounded like an egoistic rich jerk, didn't I? The truth was, I thought if I made them hate me then they wouldn't be so sad when I was finally dead, right? I couldn't even think about what Pepper and Rhodey would feel if I died. I loved them, obviously, I just didn't want them to suffer more than they already had for the past three years, looking after me.

I just wanted to die but then, I thought about my family and I thought about Natasha who had been working her ass off. She would be devastated that she couldn't keep her promise to help me fought the cancer. And my family would be destroyed. I didn't know what I did to deserve all these people.

I walked passed other patients, hands in my silk robe, well, I was still a billionaire, cancer or not. I was so not going to put that hideous hospital gown on my body. I didn't even bothered to befriend or talk to anyone here who weren't hospital staffs.

I entered my room and let myself fell onto my bed and glanced at the empty bed next to mine. As much as I hated it, I couldn't have my own room but I'd make sure that they would only put a new patient only if the other rooms were occupied. I really didn't fancy the idea of sharing room. Urgh!

I shot a heated stare at the machine that was used for my chemotherapy near my bed. I absolutely abhorred that thing. It was horrible. Do you know how painful it was to have those in your veins? Three years and I still couldn't get myself to get used to it. I paid all this money for nothing but pain and emotional wreck.

"Tony?", without looking, I knew who that was. Clint Barton. He was the head nurse assigned on my floor. He was the most annoying human being that I had ever met but also my second favourite staff, after Natasha. His dad jokes always made me cringed and questioned what did I do to deserve this kind of torture.

"It's not five yet", I said, using my monotone voice. "Ouh, believe me, I'm well aware of that", he said, smirking with his crooked teeth. I still hadn't figured out how this man was the best friend of Natasha Romanoff. She was all elegant and well composed all the time while Clint was like a clown who escaped from a circus and kinda creepy. Well, opposites attract, I guess. " Then what are you doing in my room?".

"I have a present for you".

I raised my eyebrow, " I swear if it's another prank of yours, I'm going to make Natasha kick your butt off". Natasha looked harmless from the outside, but fool not she was actually from a military school. A top student she was. " Ouh, you're gonna love it", he smirked wider. "And that seriously didn't make me feel less worried", I scowled at him. Last time he said he had a present for me, he gave me a box of live cockroaches, earning a big smack from Natasha with a food tray.

" You can come in, boy", he grinned at me for a second before looking back at thehalf opened door. And that was when he walked in. A boy, looked like 12, with brown eyes, brown curly hair and a science pun t-shirt.His face screamed innocence. The way he moved indicated that he was an introvert and shy.

"This is my present? A servant boy?" I said, 100% done with his joke.

He just gave me WTF face, "What? No!He is your roommate. Congratulations Tony! Your era of loneliness has just ended".

I raised my eyebrow at the boy and he, who seemed like a nice kid he was, introduced himself. "Hi, my name is Peter. Peter Parker. I'm sixteen", he said softly which made Clint awed silently. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Stark". Huh, I really was not surprised that he knew me. Everybody knew who I was but unfortunately they also knew about my cancer too.Hmm, at least he was a nice kid.

" Tony here is really nice,Peter. You two would get along just fine. He also happened to like science pun t-shirt." The boy blushed as he glanced down at his t-shirt while Clint shot me a pointed look. 'Behave and be nice'. I just glared back at him. Before I could say anything, Clint turned to the kid.

"This is your bed. If you have problem, you can go to Tony or any staffs outside", I rolled my eyes. Why did I have to babysit a kid now?

"Okay, thank you, Mr Barton, sir", he said as the nurse walked out of the room. He was quiet for a moment and just walked around the room. His eyes tracing every decor in the room, absorbing every detail.

"Where do you think you are? A science lab?", I asked because seriously. All this walking stressed me out. I was still not used to be inthe same room with strangers. He looked at me, startled and I just rolled my eyes at him.

"No, Mr.Stark,sir", he said politely. Gosh, I never heard anyone this polite before, especially not from a teenager. "I have eye cancer and sooner or later, I'm going to get them removed. So i'm just trying to see while I still can". Great, ways to be an asshole, by Tony Stark.

He didn't say anything else but when he lied down on his bed, he just gave me a smile, a genuine smile which was really rare in a hospital full of depressed patients. I studied him carefully, how could someone still be happy in this kind of situation. Somehow deep in my heart, I knew that I was going to take care of him, as long as either of us was still breathing.

I just stared at him as he drifted to the dreamland.

——————————————————


	3. Just Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you fo reading my story.  
Please leave a comment because I would love to know your thoughts about the story.

Clint came back 5 minutes before six to start the chemotherapy. I winced when he pressed the tip of the needle into my skin and I pushed the urge to groan as I felt the med flowed into my veins. It was painful and I hated it more and more. My eyes caught the sight of the boy and for a moment, I really had forgotten that I had a roommate. He just looked at my arm where the chemo was still flowing in the tube and into by blood. He tilted his head,observing the process as he waited patiently for his turn.

That was when I realised that he had never taken the med before and I pitied him because the first time always hurt the most. He eyed the machine and I knew he was nervous or scared from the he way shifted on his bed. When I was done, Clint pulled out the needle and put a bandaids on my arm.

"You're ready, Peter? It's going to sting a little but nothing you can't handle. I promise", the nurse made his way to the kid. I just scoffed from my bed because people always promised something even though they didn't know the outcomes. What if Peter really couldn't handle it? I got out of my bed and stood next to his bed and I was certainly not worried. Nope. I watched as tears began to form in his eyes and he clasped his mouth with his other hand . I heard him whimpered and I felt my heart clenched but I just stood there and watched because it wasn't like I could do anything.

"Everything's done now. Good job, Peter", Clint said as he kept back all the med and put a similar bandaids on his arm. Good job? For what? For suffering?

It was easy for people to say. They didn't need to suffer for 10 minutes every morning and afternoon when the chemo sessions started."It's half past six. How about you both head to the cafeteria for dinner? Tony, can you bring Peter along with you? I need to check the other patients, see you tomorrow". Peter just nodded before excused himself to the bathroom.

"Whatever", I muttered under my breath and walked out of the room. I thought about leaving the boy behind because I was not a babysitter and if he wanted to go to the cafeteria he could just ask the staffs, but something was nagging at the back of my mind that I should wait for the kid. I just groaned and leaned against the wall outside of the room. Five minutes had passed and Peter still hadn't come out and I was starting to get annoyed as I stomped my leg into the room but almost collided with the boy when he, too, was walking out of the room.

"You waited for me? I'm sorry if I was gone too long", he looked up at me with his wide eyes. I just glared at him as I said, "Well can't risk you getting lost now, can we?", voice nonchalant . "That's nice of you, Mr.Stark", he said sweetly. Nice. I hated it when people thought I was being nice to them, because being nice would make you get attached. And I didn't need that. I didn't need another person to suffer once my time had come.

I turned around and made my way to the cafeteria . Halfway through, I noticed that I'd been glancing at the boy behind me unconsciously, the whole time. He was shorter so he was having quite a trouble in keeping his pace with me. Before I knew it, I slowed down until he walked next to me. He gave me a grateful smile with I replied with a scoffed. This boy was too sweet for his own good.

When we arrived at the cafeteria, I quickly grabbed two food trays and handed him one. "Thank you, Mr. Stark. You really are kinder that you look". Again, I held myself back from snapping at him and just looked at the meal for dinner. They served the macaroni that looked so pale I bet it tasted like rubbish. It always had. Unfortunately, I'd said that out lout and one of the cook, Sam Wilson, heard it and gave me a heated glare, which made Peter giggle. I rolled my eyes and quickly grab the, now full, food tray.

We sat down on one of the table. It was unusually quiet tonight and I looked up to see Peter, who sat across of me, looked around with troubled expression on his face. "What's wrong?", I asked as he rubbed his neck. "Umm, I forgot to take the spoon. Where can I get them?", he gave me an awkward smile and I just pointed the utensils at the counter, annoyed that he had forgotten something so simple.

When I was finally alone, I grabbed my tray and dumbed all the food in the nearest bin, but made sure nobody saw me. I was really sick of living here. I was tired of constantly reminded that everything was going to be fine. But nothing was getting better at all. I glanced back up to make sure Peter didn't see that I threw my food because I didn't want him to think that I was depressed or whatever. "Wow, you eat fast, huh?", he looked at my now empty tray as he sat down on his seat and take a bit on his meal.

"I was just hungry", I lied. It didn't matter anyway. I used to not eat all the time back when I was still.... healthy. I was always busy with all of the meetings and creating new stuffs in my lab. Whatever, I shook my head to clear my thoughts and waited for him to finish. Again, I could just leave him here since he already knew the way back to my—our, our room, I didn't know why but I just stayed there with him.

I showed him around after he ate. We walked across every hall and every floor. I told him everything he should do and everything he shouldn't. I showed him the park at the back of the hospital, where patients usually spent their afternoon and we just sat there in silence until Natasha saw us on the way to her car and told us to go back to our room.

——————————————————

It was already nighttime and we were both in our own bed, making ourselves comfortable before going to sleep. I gave a glance at the bed next to mine and I saw Peter took out a small bottle of pills and ate one. I narrowed my eyes at him because no patient was allowed to have any med without the presence of a nurse of doctor.

"What're you doing?", I asked him, still eying the bottle carefully. The boy looked up at me and frowned, giving a confused expression before he understood what I was referring to.

"Ouh, this? It's my med. The cancer is spreading into my other organs. My lungs get filled with some sort of liquid every time I go to sleep. So I need to eat the pill every time I sleep. I know, it's just weird", he sighed when he said weird.

"So, if you don't take it, you die?", he didn't say anything but just nodded. He looked at me like he was trying to figure out what I was trying to say. "Then, why take it? You can end everything. Why make yourself suffer?".

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know if I'm ready to die just yet. I kinda like living", he sighed at looked around the room. "Even though, it gave you nothing but torture?", I asked before I could stop myself.

He didn't said anything and stared at me as we sat in awkward silence. He smiled softly but it didn't catch to his eyes and shook his head and reached for the light switch.

"Good night, Mr.Stark". He turned his back against me. "Just Tony, kid. You can just call me Tony", I watched his back and I thought he was already asleep when he replied back, " Okay, Tony", voice quiet and soft.

I kept my eyes on him because there was something about him. Something that I couldn't describe. Suddenly, I thought maybe one day he would be someone special to me, someone who I would care. I quickly snapped at my thought, cursing internally.

No. The boy didn't need me and I reassured myself that I didn't want anything to do with him before I drifted to sleep.

——————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you fo reading my story.  
Please leave a comment because I would love to know your thoughts about the story.


	4. My Sunshine

I woke up next morning to the excruciating pain in my abdomen , exactly where my liver was. I buried my face into my pillow as I held back tears. It was frustrating every time this happened and during moments like this where I thought about killing myself.

I turned my body to the other side when the pain was gone and almost jumped out of the bed at the sights of the boy. Why was there a boy in my room? Oh, right. I got a roommate yesterday.

I just kept my eyes on him and I felt my heart clenched. He looked so small in that bed. Too young to carry the burden that even some of the adults couldn't handle. I flinched when he stirred, slowly blinking his eyes open and they immediately fell on mine. He gave me a faint but genuine smile and for the first time in years, I woke up without worrying what was was going to happened next.

"How's your morning, Tony", he slured, obviously not fully awoke.

"Well, I didn't die last night, did I?", I responded sarcastically. "I'll just pretend that answered my question", he joked. Ouh, we did joke around each other now? He stretched his arms out and got out of bed, heading to the glass window.

"Isn't it beautiful? The sun is shining, the clouds are everywhere, ouh and there's a rainbow too. Just a perfect morning to start your day". I sighed because I still couldn't find out to why was he so optimistic despite his body slowly dying.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever makes you happy.",I followed his gaze and looked out the window. I got to admit that the view was really nice, well, at least to someone who didn't spend three years looking at it.

From the window, we could see the park that I showed him yesterday. There were loads of flowers and you could see butterflies fluttered everywhere. Then, there were squirrels and birds. "I'm sure nothing can ruin this lovely morning.", he turned his head and gave me a cocky smirk.

I just rolled my eyes at him. "Well, chemo can ruin your so called lovely morning. Having cancer can ruin everything and nothing good is coming at you", I was feeling peachy because I woke up out of pain and that really affected my mood. Peter just shot me a playful smile as he responded. "Well, whatever makes you happy".

And right on cue, Clint walked into the room. "Good morning, people! I see you guys are getting along well.", he said as he ruffled Peter's hair. "What are you doing here? You should be here at 8. It's 8.04.", I snapped at him as an attempt to joke around before my mood became more ruined after the chemo.

"You're not the only human in this hospital, Tony. In case you haven't noticed, I have other people who need my attention.", he rolled his eyes as he set up the chemo machine. Instead of starting with me like he usually did, he gestured at Peter to come closer and made him sat down on my bed. Peter didn't say anything as the needle got under his skin but the face he made was enough to know that he was in pain.

Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed his hand and gave him a squeeze. He just gave me a grateful smile and squeezed back and I saw Clint gave me a surprised look before it turned into a smirk. Peter excused himself when he was done to take a shower and it was my turn to get my med. "Well, someone is turning into a dad now, isn't he? Guess your old age has finally given you the dad instinct", he said, barking out his laughter and completely ignoring my pain expression.

"Shut it, Barton".

——————————————————

After we got the chemo and all ready for the day, we walked to the cafeteria for breakfast. I took the bowl of porridge and decided to eat today because it had been three days since I last ate. I wasn't going to admit it, but I liked to hear Peter's rambling about completely nonsense thing. Normally, he would feel frustrated when someone try to talk to him, but he felt somehow calm. Maybe this morning wouldn't go bad after all.

After I ate, I left Peter because I had an appointment with Natasha. I didn't even bother to knock her door before kicking it open and welcomed myself to sit infront of her. She didn't even flinch like normal person would but she gave me a warning look, and that was all I needed to behave. An angry Natasha was a scary Natasha.

"How is your morning so far", she asked while taking her notes out and put it on her desk. "Peachy when I woke up but it's good now", I shrugged as I called back the memory of waking up this morning.

"Nice. So, tell me about your roommate. Clint told an unbelievable story this morning.", she gave me a knowing smirked. "Not a word, Nat. Not a word", I glared at her because I didn't want to talk about it.

"Fine. But seriously, how's the kid", she sighed before went on her work mode.

"He is just annoyingly happy all the time. He's always smiling. It's starting to get into my nerves, I'm telling you. Why is he so happy, I mean he's dying", I said out of frustration and ran my hand through my hair.

"Maybe he already braced the fact that he's dying and trying to be happy while he can? Not everyone is pessimistic like you, Tony. You'll understand how he really feel if you let yourself to be happy", she reached out her hand and put it on top of mine. "Maybe you're feeling depressed all the time because you bottled up your emotions far too long now until you can't see the happiness surrounding you."

I averted my eyes to the my laps. It's true. I was never someone who talked about emotions and I hated skin contacts. That's what happened when you grew up without love from your parents. My parents never gave me their attention and I was pretty sure they didn't even care about me either. And after they died because of a car accident, he was left with no one but Rhodey and Pepper.

"Tony...Pepper and I talked about this the other day, she's worried,Tony. So she decided to make a room here for you, to express your feelings through something else.", she said softly. But I was confused so I asked her, "What room? I already have a room", as I raised my eyebrow.

She just shook her head and stood up, gestured at me to follow her and I did. We walked across a few halls and stopped in front of a room. If I remembered it correctly, this room was the empty room, nobody used it. She took out a set of keys from her coat and handed it over to me. "It's yours ".

I looked at her carefully and then at the keys before slowly took it into my hand.

I unlocked the door and entered the room, Natasha close behind. The room had yellow walls and there were couple of couches. But what caught my attention was the big piano at the right corner of the room. I walked towards it and sat down on the stool as I ran my fingers softly on it.

"There are several ways to express our feelings and emotions but Pepper said you can't even draw a stick man to save your life so drawing is out of the options. She also told me that you used to play piano so we thought you might want to try it and set up this room. Don't worry, we soundproofed the walls. I expect you to play it for me for our next appointment.", she said smiling faintly before walking out but not before telling me not to forget to go to my room for med.

I looked around and noticed that they must have just finished painting the walls because there were still a tin can of yellow paint and few brushes at the other corner of the room.

——————————————————

I'd been trying to remember how the correct notes for hours now but I just couldn't . It had been, what? 30 years since I last played it. My mother used to force me to learn them when I was a kid but I stopped when I entered high school.

I kept on pressing random notes until a voice startled me out. "I didn't know you play piano".

I whipped my head to the door and saw Peter made his way and sat next to me. "You didn't come back for hours so I asked Mr.Barton and he told me you would be here. But I didn't expect you with a piano.", he said looking at me and grinned.

"Well, Natasha thought I have trouble expressing my feelings so she and my fiancé made me this room.", I scoffed.

"But are you?", he asked me which received a questioning look from me.

"What?".

"Are you having trouble to express your feelings?", we stared at each other as I was trying to figure out what to say but at the end, I just looked away and brought my fingers to the keys. But he snatched my left hand and caught me by surprised.

Before I got to ask me what the hell he thought he was doing, he pulled my sleeve up and looked at me with full concern and worried.

"Did you cut, yourself?", he asked and my eyes widen. Shit! Nobody was supposed to find those. When I didn't answer him he asked me again, though it was another question. "Have you tried to commit suicide?", his boldness, again, was giving me problem to speak. We sat in silence for a few moment as he traced the scars on my forearm.

I let out a long sigh. "It's not easy you know. Suicide. Every time I tried, I was so close but then I remembered my family and I thought 'What am I doing?'. And the next thing I knew, I was in bed listening to Clint's bad jokes", I didn't know why I told him this but something about him made me comfortable to talk about it. He made me felt like I could tell him anything.

He didn't say anything and I thought maybe I scared him off but then he stood and made his way to the paint in the tin can. I watched as he took the smallest brush and dipped it slowly in the yellow paint. He came back to his seat and took my arm with his free hand and started to draw a circle to cover the cuts.

"You used to be an engineer so you must be smart, right? Do you know that everything dies if the sun disappeared?", he said softly and I just nodded in respond. He finished his drawing and I realised it was a sun.I just waited for him to elaborate in silence, and he did.

" Just remember, if you decided to kill this sun, you're killing everyone else too. If you kill this sun, you're killing me too", and we stared at each other before he made his way back to our room.

I looked back to the sun on my forearm, and for the first time in years, I felt my face and my heart soften. And I didn't think of dying.

You're my sunshine now, I guess

——————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you fo reading my story.  
Please leave a comment because I would love to know your thoughts about the story.


	5. Not Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave a comment as I would love to know your thoughts on this chapter.

Lunch time arrived and I sat down at my usual table. After Peter left, I stayed in the room and rethinking about what Nat had said. About trying to understand how Peter was always smiling by allowing myself to be happy.

I came back to my room with no Peter and one of the nurses said that Peter had gone to see his doctor, so I strolled to the cafeteria alone. I'd been sitting there for fifteen minutes but I still couldn't bring myself to finish my meal. I barely had more that a couple of bite.

Through out those fifteen minutes, my eyes kept on glancing back and forth, left and right, which was weird because usually I would just minding my own business. I didn't think much of it at first, but there was some sort of emptiness in my chest, like I was missing something. Then I realised what I was really searching for this whole time. I was looking for Peter.

I groaned and put my elbows on the table, head in my hands. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid. To get attached to the kid. I knew if let myself got too involved with Peter, at the end, both of us would suffer because our possibility of living were low. There were chances, sooner or later, one of us would die first, and I couldn't bear losing anyone important to me. I didn't want to handle any sort of void in my heart.

But after what had happened in my so called music room, the memory of that moment just kept on replaying in my mind over and over. He was just making it harder for me not to get involved. Damn his big brown eyes and bubbly shits.

I flinched when someone put their tray in front of me and I looked up only to see the cause of my internal mess. Peter was grinning like he usually did as his eyes lit up when they met with my dull ones. "Hi,Tony!". I just averted my gaze somewhere else and gave him a silent wave, but at the same time, trying to push away a foreign feeling whenever he sat close to me. Was it fondness?

"How long have you been here?", he asked me, maybe just wanted to initiate a conversation as he started to dig in his food. "Around fifteen to twenty minutes ago," I replied back before slowly picking at my food. Sometimes I always questioned myself to why I even bothered to come here if I wasn't going to eat? Oh yeah, because Natasha and Clint were totally going to be breathing down my neck if I didn't. Not to forget Pepper and Rhodey. I shuddered at the thought.

We stayed in silence before Peter put down his utensils and looked at me with his brows knitted together in a scowl, his lips set like a thin line. "You're not eating.", he glanced at my tray and then back at my eyes.

"Maybe I'm just not hungry", I said with a deadpan tone. I raised an eyebrow at him to tell him to drop it, which he completely ignored. "This is my third time eating with you, Tony. You think I didn't notice but I did.", he leaned forward.

I cocked my head to the side but maintained our eye contact, puzzled to what he was talking about. He must've seen my confusion because he continued without having me to ask. "I know you've been dumping out your food and you've barely eaten anything. And from the way I see it, maybe you've done this long before I came here."

"And that's your problem because?", I snapped because I just got caught by a kid who I just met literally yesterday. I narrowed my eyes and clenched my hands on the table, feeling slightly irritated.

"Because I care", he whispered softly.

I was taken aback with his response. For a moment,I saw a glimpse of genuine concern in his eyes and I slowly loosened my fists. I could feel my face soften as we continued to stare at each other. I broke the eye contact and looked down at my food and hesitatingly lifted my spoon and took a bite. I saw him grinned and his face brightened when I continued to take another bite.

The tension was thick but slowly lessened when he continued to talk about his day like nothing happened. I wasn't not gonna admit it but I admired his skill of smoothing the situation.

" You know, I've been talking to other patients while you were gone this morning,". I just rolled my eyes, because of course he did. He shot me a look as if he wanted me to participate in the conversation and I just sighed but gave in.

"And?".

He beamed and sent me a sly smirk.

"And apparently people here hate you because, and I quote, 'he's too arrogant and grumpy all the time'. You want to know what I said back to them?", he said as he made an impression of an old lady before wiggling his eyebrows and continued to give me the look. I rolled my eyes once again. "What?".

"I told them that you're actually kind and a very pleasant company when you're with me."

For a moment, I really considered to tell him to shut up his nonsense and left, but he seemed to be so content from the way his eyes sparkled, with the skin a little wrinkled round and under them, and with his mouth a little drawn back at the corners. So I just decided to join in.

"Damn you, kid. You just ruined my reputation. Now nobody will look at me like I'm depressed or something", I threw my arms in mocking disbelief before sending him impassive look. He broke out into a giggle fit before he stopped and gave me a serious look.

"Are you?". I just grumbled because why did he always ask incomplete questions?

"Kid, you really need to stop asking me halfway. If you want to ask, ask a complete question."

"Are you depressed?", he tilted his head making him looked younger and childish.

"I don't know. You said it yourself, I'm grumpy", I said without looking directly at him. "Grumpy and depressed are completely different things. I mean, you are grumpy but are you depressed? ", he leaned forward, sliding his chair closer.

Actually, I'd never really thought of it. Was I depressed? Some depressed people usually didn't know they were depressed. I recalled back the memory of the past three years, where I shut myself out from everyone, barely eating anything, cutting myself and attempting suicide. Well, maybe I was, but obviously I wasn't going to admit that. But apparently my brain had a totally different idea because when I looked up at him from my tray, I took in his young and innocent features and remembered the time we had spent together in the last twenty four hours.

"Well, maybe not anymore".

Because you're here.

——————————————————


	6. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is not mine.  
I found it on Pinterest.

A week after Peter had moved into the hospital room, we slowly and gradually grew closer to each other. We weren't at the stage of hugging or making any contact yet, but close enough. I was getting better at playing the piano and to say Natasha, and Clint, who had decided to barge into my music room during our appointment, were pleased when I gave them a show. I also played the piano when Pepper and Rhodey came a day after that. I didn't miss how their eyes glinted, holding tears at bay and their lips curled into a soft smile.

For a very brief of time, I found happiness crept into my hearts. For a moment, I forgot that I had cancer. For a moment, seeing my family happy was all what mattered. For a moment, I hoped Peter was there with us but he wasn't because he didn't what to intrude our meeting.

After Pepper and Rhodey left, Natasha gave me a bunch of blank note sheets, because she thought it would be better if I wrote my own music. That was how I found myself, stressing over the task because I had been trying to figure the suitable keys for the passed hour. There were a lot of crumpled music sheets, littering on the floor. 

I turned to Peter who was currently sitting on the couch behind me with a pen and a book that I had never seen before. He was eying the crumpled papers on the floor with a disapproval expression and a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.  
I just rolled my eyes at him and made my way to the couch and collapsed in a stupor next to him. "I thought you told me you can create the most beautiful music human kind will ever hear an hour ago?". He gave a sly smirk and arched a cocky eyebrow.

"Hey! This thing needs motivation to work. It's not my fault there's nothing to motivate me.", I said, pointing a finger at him. He just giggled and laid his head on my shoulder and tucked his feet under my thigh. I felt my muscles tensed because no one but Pepper and Rhodey were allowed to be this close with me.  
I contemplated about what to do but decided to let him and relaxed my body against his as I slowly slid my arm around his shoulder.

"Everyone has a motivation. It's either they choose to see it or not that matters. You only fail when you stop trying. Your only limit is your mind, if you believe you can, then you can keep going and doing the things you want. Or maybe it's simply not the right time yet.", he looked up at me and gave me the smile he always did, a soft and reassuring smile.

Or maybe my motivation that I'm looking for is right here by my side.

I cleared my throat and quickly changed the subject by nodding at his book. "What's that? Never seen it before."

He looked down at his book and held it to his chest. "Oh, nothing. It's just my journal. I write the things that I think are important so that I can always remember them. I also love poetry because I find them really beautiful. So sometimes I write my own poems whenever I'm free."

"You mean like a diary?"

He immediately pulled away from my side and I looked at him with a teasing smirk. His mouth gapped as his face turned crimson red. "No it's not a diary! You made me sound like a girl. It's a journal!", he waved his journal in his hand and I couldn't help but laugh at his face.

"Alright, alright. I believe you. Did you say poem? How about you recite your favourite one.", I asked because I was getting curious about all this poetry stuffs. He just looked at me with deadpan expression and huffed. "I don't have favourite. They're all beautiful in their own way."

" Then tell me any you remember."

He calmed down and curled back at my side but this time I didn't tense and just let his head on my shoulder. He puckered his forehead like he was trying to remember any before gave a hesitant face. "I just remember a perfect one.", he said. And I told him to give it a try. And he did without lifting his head, which was now on my chest.

"The thing about pain,  
Is it won't last forever,  
And it kills you now,  
But with time it gets better"

He took my left hand and traced the scars under the fainted sun.

"The thing about scars,  
Is they all start to fade,  
Until nothing is left,  
Of the cut that were made,  
The thing about today,  
Is there's always tomorrow"

He slowly reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"And if you can't find your smile,  
I have one you can borrow,  
The thing about help,  
Is beside you it stands,  
But it won't know it's needed,  
Unless you reach out your hand"

He pulled away from my chest and gave me a raw smile that contained pure sincerity.

"The thing about love,  
Is that you can't feel its touch,  
Until you let someone know,  
That the world is too much".

I didn't know why, but I felt like he chose that specifically for me. As if he was trying to convey a message, and somehow I understood all the unspoken words. I tightened my hand around his and just slowly held his head against my chest as I rested my chin on top of his. And we stayed there in silence. Just feeling each other presence.

——————————————————

It was nighttime when I decided to say something to him about the poem.  
"Errm, it was really nice you know. The poem. It was beautiful.", I said from my bed as he was trying to make his bed more comfortable.

"Yeah? My aunt loved poetry so she used to teach me whenever she was free.", he responded but his usual bright grin was replaced by a sad tight smile as he casted his eyes on his hands. Not that he mentioned it, through out the week, never once did I see his family come to visit him.

"Has your family come to visit yet?", I asked making sure to sound unbothered to cover up my curiosity. I heard him mumbled something but I couldn't hear a single word from what he had said. "I'm sorry but I can't hear you".

"I'm an orphan. I lived in the orphanage", he said louder and fidgeting his fingers. I just stared at him with wide eyes and gaped my mouth. I was about to say something but he cut me off.

"My mom, s-she had cancer. Maybe that was how I got them. One day, she was in a really critical condition and the nurse called my dad. He raced his car to the hospital from the office. He drove passed the speed limit an-and he slammed into a truck. He was dead before the ambulance arrived. An hour after that, my mom passed away. I was four and after that I lived with my dad's brother and his wife. Th-three years ago, he got shot when went to get some ice cream. I couldn't do anything. I just watched him died in my arms. Four months after that, my aunt was caught in wildfire at her work place. And I went to the orphanage until they told me that I have cancer and sent me here", he was loudly sobbing at the end of his story. His body shaking and his lips were visibly trembling. I felt my heart shattered at the sight of his reddened eyes.

I jumped out of my bed and quickly sat next to him, pulling him into my embrace. How could . . . . how could someone went through those horrible traumatic incidents but still managed to see the bright side of the world? I felt disgusted with myself because I gave up when Peter kept fighting even though he went through worse things in his life than I did. And he was just SIXTEEN.

I tried to calm him by laying down with him on his bed and kept him in my arms. It seemed like I did a good job because after like five minutes,he stopped sobbing and just held my front shirt in his little fist. "You okay, now?", I asked just to be sure. He still didn't look at me but nodded his head and sniffed. "I'm fine now. Because you're here."

I felt my muscles tightened as I realised that I was already far too involved with him. Far too attached to back away. So I just said nothing. "Stay?", he asked me, his voice was so vulnerable that made my shattered heart turned to dust.

"Always".

And we stayed in that position until both of us slowly slipping away from consciousness.

Always

——————————————————


	7. Unwanted Guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of think this chapter is really bad though.  
So I’m sorry for my mistakes.

The next day, we were heading to my music room again after breakfast because, well when you were trapped in a hospital, there wasn't really anything much you could do. On our way there, we walked passed Natasha and Clint and they just gave us teasing smirk and winked. I looked at Peter as his blood rushed up to his face and I just rolled my eyes as I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer earning a bark of laughter from both the doctor and the nurse.

Early that morning, Clint came to our room for our chemo and saw that Peter and I were still sleeping. Okay that was normal. But what not normal was that we were still freaking cuddling on Peter's bed. So Clint being Clint went out of the room without waking us up and ran to get Natasha. And now they both had been teasing us ever since. Something about father and son duo.

"Ignore them. Now I know why they're best friends. They both are stupid", I whispered at him which he nodded in respond. When we entered the room, I quickly made my way to the piano as Peter made himself comfortable on the couch and began to read a book that he brought from the reading room on the second floor. Peter was the only patient who I allowed to be here. 

I took out my notes that I made yesterday about the song that I was making. I looked through the music sheets and none of them were good enough. I wanted to make something deep and meaningful, not some gibberish nonsense. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair in frustration. Not even five minutes and I already lost my motivation to do anything for the rest of the day. I just slumped my shoulder and palmed my face but then the memory of what happened yesterday came into my mind. No, Peter is the only motivation that I need. I can't give up now.

My mind wandered to what happened last night. There was no doubt about it. Peter was now officially the strongest person in the world that I had ever known of. I admired how he kept on standing after no matter how many time he fell.How he always abled to keep smiling despite everything he went through.

I remembered Peter's third day here. We were in our room waiting for lunch hour and Peter was humming to a song as he sat by the window. His body swaying side by side as if he was in a musical theatre instead of a cancer hospital.

*Flashback*

"Why?", I asked, my eyes watching his every move.

"You do realise that you're going to be blind and your body is slowly dying, right? Yet you wake up every morning like the world vomits sunshine and rainbow. Why?"

He grinned widely, looking at me with his big brown eyes before turning to the clouds at the sky. "Many of us act as if we're going to live forever. We ignore or delay things we know deep down, we must do. Going after your dreams, telling people you love about how you really feel. Saying yes, saying no. We forget that there are no guarantees of next year, next month or even tomorrow. For most people, when they die, it'll be a mere formality. The truth is, one day it will all be over."

"When I wake up every morning with that thought in my mind, my life becomes powerful, because I can now release all fears from my life. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of everything. With that in your mind, you can choose kindness over being right. Choose the hard task but rewarding instead of easy but meaningless one. Choose to help other people instead of yourself. Choose to become the person you wanted to be remembered as", he finally finished and looked back at me, smile never leaving his face.

"But still," I said, looking down at the floor, frowning. "How can you be happy all the time and stay positive when you know you're dying. It's easier said than done".

" Because I'm dying,Tony.", I gave him a baffled look, because that didn't make any sense.

"We are dying. If you keep getting upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth it wasting your time being unhappy, Tony. I want to live every second of my life", his smile fell a little.

For a moment I saw something in his eyes. Fear. As if he truly believed that he was going to die unhappy.

" I lost everything, Tony. Happiness is all I have left."

*End Flashback*

My thought was snapped when I heard Peter calling my name. 

"Tony? Are you okay?", I turned to look at his concerned face and decided to make my way to sit next to him. "What's your favourite song?"

He must've not expecting that because he just raised his eyebrows and stared at my face. "What?"

"I asked you what your favourite song is. I need some idea if I want to make the song Natasha I asked me to.", I leaned my body closer and waited patiently as he furrowed his eyebrows. "Give me your phone.", he held out his palm and looked at me expectantly. I didn't understand to why he needed my phone but I just took my StarkPhone from my pocket and gave it to him. 

I looked at him as he typed something on Youtube and shifted closer to me so that I could see the video. It was a song called 'Inner Demon' by Julia Brennan. A song that I didn't know existed until that very moment. He made sure that our position was comfortable making me half lied down on the couch and leaned his back against my chest before resting his head on my neck and pressed play.

‘They say don't let them in  
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again  
But when I'm all alone, they show up on their own

'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting

Life is pain, life's not fair  
So angels please, please stay here  
Take the pain, take the fear  
They say it won't be hard, they can't see the battles in my heart

This is a battle I don't want to lose  
Life is pain, life's not fair  
So angels please, please stay here  
Take the pain, take the fear’

When the music ended, we just sat in silence. The song was nicely sung and the lyrics were beautifully written. I had a rough idea to why Peter chose this song but I wanted to hear it from the boy himself about what made the song special. "What do you like about this song?", I asked, running my hands through his hair. I might have accepted the fact that I was fond of the boy and I wondered if this how parents feel about hanging out with their kids.

"Well, I guess I like that I can relate to the song. I mean, everybody likes things that they can relate to themselves. Also the song reminds me, even though my family are all dead, even though I'm the last Parker, I'm never alone. There will be always somebody that cares and there will always be hope that gives me strength to keep moving", he said while absentmindedly scrolling through my phone.

I was about to say something when someone knocked the door. Peter and I looked at each other when Clint entered the room but only partially. That was weird because Clint never knocked when he entered the room and we expected him to crack a joke or something but he didn't. Instead he just nodded at me and said someone was looking for me. I just frowned my eyebrows and scowled because I had been here for three years and I never had guests other than Pepper and Rhodey.

Even Clint himself seemed confused but he just shrugged. "His name is Steven Rogers". The moment I heard that name, I could feel my face burned with hatred and grudge. Every muscle on my body tensed and Peter must've felt the change of the atmosphere because he pulled away from my chest, eyes darting between Clint and I. I stood up and told him to stay here while I was gone before walking out of the room.

I gave Clint a nod and he left but not before shooting a wary glance at the man in front of me. "Well, well, well. Look who shows up after three years", I said with malice and hardened my face. He just looked at the floor before lifted up his gaze to meet mine. Everything about him, eyes, face, body posture, I mean everything, screamed guilt. "Come on Steve. Stop wasting my time. What're you doing here?", I resisted the urge to shout at him.

"Tony. I saw Pepper last week at a coffee shop. Thought I should pay you a visit. I just wanted to apologi-,". 

"Shut it, Rogers. I don't need your apologies and I don't want your visits.", I sneered between my gritted teeth before heading to the restroom in front of my music room. I harshly closed the door and locked it behind me and stood in front of the mirror. I just gripped at the edge of the sink until my knuckles turned white. I cursed loudly when a tear made its way down my cheek.

Steve, he was my best friend. We were so close like how close I was with Rhodey. We were brothers, or at least that was what I thought. Steve was a police officer but he always came to the tower to hang out with me, Pepper and Rhodey. It was nice until he introduced his new colleague, James Barnes. For some reasons, Barnes didn't like us much and as time passed, Steve's visit became less frequent until he stopped coming at all. He always said that he was busy whenever Rhodey or I called him.

The day I was diagnosed with cancer and was about to be warded into this freaking hospital, I thought maybe he would like to visit me so I called him and to my surprise he said, "Oh Tony, sorry but I can't. I promise Bucky to hang out with him. But whatever. I hope you get well soon,". And he hung up just like that. That was the last time I heard from him. I'm sorry but if someone you trust to have your back when you fall blatantly just let you fall, maybe you would react the same.

I took a deep breath and washed my tears away before unlocking the door. I opened it but stop when I saw Peter was talking to Rogers. I quickly pushed the door wide enough to peek and listen to what was going on. 

"I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't help but to listen to your conversation with Tony. He is suffering right now and I don't think he needs you to add salts on his wounds. You're a terrible friend and that's on you. So please don't ever come here again.", he said politely but voice firmed as if he wasn't speaking to a man three times his size.

"I just wanted to apologise for my mistake. I'm worried about him too, you know", I could hear Steve said back with low voice. Eyes drooping with regret.

"Well it's too late now. If it helps you to feel better, you don't have to worry about him anymore, because he has me and I care about him more that you probably do", I held back my tears at the way he looked so sincere like he meant what he had said. Maybe Steve saw that too in Peter's eyes because he just nodded and left. 

I closed the door and washed the tears from my face for the second time in a span of 10 minutes. After making sure that I didn't look like I was crying, I walked out of the rest room but there was no Peter. Maybe he already went inside so I entered the room and saw Peter sitting at the couch with my StarkPhone in his hand. He grinned when he looked at me even though it didn't really reach his eyes like usual.

"Tony! I hope you don't mind me playing with your phone."

I didn't say anything but I just sat beside him and pulled him closed. "Tony? Are you okay?", he asked me voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, I'm alright"

‘Because I have you’

——————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of think this chapter is really bad though.  
So Im sorry for my mistakes.


	8. The Calm Before The Storm

Few months had passed since Steve's unexpected visit and my condition wasn't getting worse but I wasn't getting any better either but that didn't really worry me.However, the same thing couldn't be said to Peter. His body was weakening every day. He was always tired and his eye sight was really bad from time to time. Even though he still acted like he was fine all the time, it didn't lessen my worry.

I noticed how his movements was more sluggish and how his smile didn't really reach his eyes anymore. I noticed how breathless he was when he talked and how he needed to hold my sleeve when we walked because he couldn't see well. Obviously, he told everybody that he was fine even though he clearly was not.

We'd gotten closer and closer as we spent our day, stuck to each other's side. You couldn't see one without the other and people had started to call us the father and son duo whenever we walked into a room.

But this week, I noticed that Peter would go missing after lunch and come back a few minutes before 6 for our chemo session. He just shrugged and smiled whenever I asked him where he went.

Today I woke up when someone shook my shoulder softly. I opened my eyes and see Peter grinning happily and I was confused because he seemed to be excited about something but I just smiled back at him.

"Good morning, kiddo. What makes you so agitated today?", I said as I sat myself up and leaned my back against the headboard.

"Happy Birthday, Tony!!", he shouted enthusiastically and climbed the bed to give me a giant hug.

"How did you know? Because as far as I remember, I had never told you about my birthday.", I raised my eyebrows at him but returned his hug. To be honest, even I didn't remember that it was my birthday until he said it.

"I asked Dr.Romanoff because you wouldn't tell me and I have a present for you by the way but I'll give you later. What do you want to do today?", he asked me with wide exited eyes which made my smile wider. What did I do to ever deserve him?

I'd never really celebrated my birthday but every year, Pepper and Rhodey would come and bring cake for me. Maybe this time Peter could join us too. Before I had the chance to open my mouth, Clint barged into the room with his ridiculously creepy grin. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN", he shouted annoyingly, spreading his arms at me and I just glared at him.

"Didn't anyone told you that you shouldn't raise your voice in the hospital? Or are you just dumb?", I raised my eyebrow at him and he just shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe I'm just dumb", he said before setting the chemo machine.

We took the chemo and I was about to take Peter to cafeteria for breakfast but Clint insisted that he needed to take us to my music room and for some reasons, Peter urged me to just agree. I took a deep breath and sighed before the three of us headed to our destination.When I opened the door to my music room, we were greeted with Pepper, Rhodey and Natasha.

"Surprise!"

Well to be honest, it really wasn't a surprise. They did this every year in my room and Peter and Clint weren't being discreet either. Peter took my hand and made me sat on the couch while Pepper lit the candles on the cake. "When did you arrive? You guys usually came around noon.", I asked Rhodey who was sitting next to Clint. "We came half an hour ago. Had to come here before your chemo.", he responded before stood up and gave me a hug. "Happy Birthday, Tones.", he whispered softly into my ear.

After that they all sang together and I was about to blow the candles when Peter grabbed my arm. "Wait!".

We all just looked at him with raised eyebrows, surprised by the sudden outburst. "You need to make a wish first, Tony", he looked at me as if blowing birthday candles without making a wish was the biggest crime ever and maybe that was what made us all laughed. Sometimes, I just forgot about how innocent he was.

My eyes took in the faces of the people in the room, people who had always been there for me, people who cared, my family. I looked at Pepper who had accepted me as who I was and loved me unconditionally. Rhodey who was always having my back since I was fifteen. Natasha who was always working to make me better as a doctor and as a friend. Clint who always made sure I wasn't alone in my dark thoughts. And finally,Peter who thought me how to be a better man and to see the real meaning of happiness.

I closed my eyes and made my wish. I hope everything is going to be okay and we all are always going to beone big family no matter what. For the first time since I was diagnosed with cancer, I let myself hope. I opened my eyes and slowly blew the candles as they all clapped their hands and cheers.

"Can I please get my cake now?", Clint shouted which made our smile wider. I had to admit this was the happiest moment in my life and I wished this moment wouldn't end. We talked and we laughed for hours before Pepper and Rhodey had to excuse themselves because of an important meeting they had to go.

Fifteen minutes after they left, Natasha and Clint decided to resume their work, leaving me and Peter alone in the room.

"Tony? You know how you've been asking me about where I went missing every morning after breakfast?", Peter asked me whilst standing up and grabbed a red box that I didn't realise was under the coffee table. He made his way back to sit next to me and made us facing each other.

"Yeah, why?", I frowned my eyebrows and set my lips into a scowl, still eying the suspicious box in the kid's lap. "Two weeks ago, I asked Miss Potts to get me some stuffs and I had been working on them in my doctor's room, you know, Dr.Strange? Anyway, I'd finally got it done yesterday and here it is.", he explained before putting the box on my lap.

I could tell that whatever was in this box was really important from the way he shifted on the couch and played with his sweaty hands. He was nervous so I didn't question him and unboxed the present.

In the box was a Peter plushie. Not Peter's plushie, but literally a plushie looked like the kid. It was really cute but at that point I was really confused because I was sure he didn't spend entire week just to make this.

He must've seen my confusion because then he said, "Give it a squeeze.", and I did.

"_I love you, Dad_"

I could feel my heart stopped beating for a second and my eyes widened as the Peter's cheerful voice came from the plush. For a moment, none of us said anything and I felt like everything just froze. When I finally snapped out of it, I gave the mini Peter another squeeze.

"_I love you, Dad_"

I could feel tears making it way to form in my eyes and the my heart filled with something I didn't know how to describe. I looked up to see Peter as he tried to avoid my eyes, his face tightened and I slowly grabbed his sweaty hand. "Hey, look at me".

He reluctantly did and quickly looked down at his lap. "Is there anything you want to say?", I asked him softly. I didn't want him to think that I was mad or anything. "I-I'm sorry if it's weird b-but I lost my father and my uncle a-and I just wanted you to know that I-I love you and I think of you as my father-figure. I know we just met few months ago but you don't know how happy I am to be here with you. You always took care of me and I just couldn't help it", he said with his trembling voice and sniffed.

"Well, good thing I think of you as my son then, don't you think?", I tightened my hand around his and he whipped his head up looking at me with his wide watery eyes. "Really? You mean it?"

I pulled him into my embrace and held him tightly. "Yes, kiddo. And I love you too,". I could feel his lips curled into a smile on my front shirt and at that moment, I thought everything was fine. We were going to be fine and I would adopt him as soon as we were out of this hospital. I thought we would survive this together and I would take care of him and give him the love and life he deserved. I would baby him and embarrass him like a dad should.

But I had never been more wrong in my entire life.

——————————


	9. The Storm’s Arrival

We were sleeping when the storm arrived. I stirred and tightened my arms around my mini Peter when the sound of someone whimpering in pain came into my sleep. It was soft at first but the whimper became louder every second and it managed to wake me up. I slowly blinked my eyes, trying to figure out if I was still dreaming and the first thing I saw was the clock on my bedside table showing 7.18am.

It took me a few seconds to realise that the whimpering sound didn't stop and I was indeed awake. That was enough to make myself immediately tensed and quickly sat up to search the source of the sound.

My breath hitched as soon as my eyes landed on Peter because his lips were blue and his chest was wheezing as if his lungs had stopped taking in oxygen. His paled face was covered with sweat and he was shaking uncontrollably.

"PETER!", without wasting any second, I slammed the emergency button above his headboard to alert the medical staffs and climbed onto his bed, trying to shake him awake. "Peter! What's wrong? Come on, you need to wake up", at this point, I was at the verge of having a panic attack that I didn't hear the door busted open as Clint, who probably just started his shift, and other nurses came running to our sides.

"GET HIS DOCTOR! GET DR.STRANGE NOW!", Clint shouted at one of the nurses before grabbing my arm and guided me out of the room just as soon as Dr.Strangecame. "Tony, you need to sit down and breath. Come on, Tony look at me! He's fine, Peter's going to be fine. Breath!", he started to breath exaggeratedly and gestured me to follow. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Natasha came running on her heels.

"What's wrong? I came as soon as I heard the alarm. Oh god, It's Peter, isn't it?", I tuned her out because honestly, he was fine yesterday, we celebrated my birthday and we were laughing all day. Nothing was wrong. He seemed fine too when he went to bed last ni—. Oh lord, how could I be so stupid!

I pulled Clint's arm to grab their attention. "I-it was the med. H-he needs to take his med every time he sleeps or else his lungs will fill with liquid", I could see Natasha's eyes widened as the realisation hit her. Peter might not take his med yesterday before he went to sleep. Before any of us could say anything, she slammed the door opened to help the staffs inside.

Before the door closed, I managed to see a glimpse of Peter, shaking violently like a seizure while the staffs were still trying to figure out the problem. Clint quickly hugged me to keep me grounded as my whole body trembled and I didn't realise I was crying until I was literally sobbing on the chair.

Both of us flinched when the the door was banged wide open and the nurses were rushing Peter with his bed out of the room. "He's going to the critical ward. I'm going to help Dr.Strange. Clint, you stay with him.", Natasha said before she raced with the others to the critical ward.

Before I knew it, I was running to follow them with Clint tailing me. He was trying to tell to be careful but hell if I was just gonna stand here while my kid was literally dying. I knew Clint could've outrun and tell me to stop because he was healthy while I had cancer in my body but I was grateful he didn't.

I didn't know how long we were standing outside of the ward but after what felt like years, Natasha came out. She looked exhausted even though it wasn't even pass noon yet and I quickly stood on my feet, followed by Clint. "How is he?", my heart was beating 100 miles per hour because I couldn't tell if her face expression was a good news or a bad news.

"He's fine, Tony. We had some complications but he's fine now. That's the only thing we need for now", she sighed before sitting down on my previous seat. I breathed out of relief before running my hands through my hair. "This is all my fault. I should've made sure he take his med but I was careless". Natasha and Clint were about to protest but were cut out by another figure.

"That's not true", Dr.Strange said as he walked out of the room. "If it wasn't because of you, it would've taken us longer to figure out what was wrong with him and he wouldn't make it if we wasted more time. By the way, I’m Peter’s doctor, Dr.Strange.", he added before holding out his hand and I slowly shook it.

"Romanoff, Barton. I think you two should go to your room for now. Don't worry, I'll take care of Mr.Stark here", he nodded to the both of them. They both tiredly agreed and made their way down. We looked at them as they walked out of the hallway before he turned his face back to me. "Mr.Stark, may I have a moment with you in my room?”, he asked me.

“But I want to see Peter. Can I see him now?”, the only thing I cared now was to make sure that the kid was really breathing in that room. Just to reassure myself that he wasn’tdead yet. “I’m afraid not, Mr.Stark. He was still being checked over by the nurses and there is something I need to talk to you regarding Peter’s condition”, I didn’t know how he managed to pull a straight face after what just happened but my heart started to drum faster when he mentioned about Peter.

“What do you mean Peter’s condition? You said it yourself he’s fine.”, I didn’t mean to raise my voice but I was worried and it didn’t matter anyway because he was clearly unbothered with my raising voice. “For now? Yes, he is fine. I think it’s easier if we just discussed about this in my room, so shall we?”. I didn’t know what I was thinking about the whole situation but obviously it wasn’t a good thought and I just nodded before following with to his room.

When I entered his room, it was a very well organised room and I welcomed myself to sit on the chair while he sat on his. For a moment none of us said anything and that made me more anxious than I already was. “Well, aren’t we gonna or something?”, I looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

He just stared at me and sighed. “He really love you, you know?”, he said and I was surprised by the sudden statement. “What?”, I blinked at him, baffled. He didn’t seem to care about my reaction as he continued, “He always talk about you whenever we had our therapy session and he never fail to express about how great of a man you are and how much you mean to him. He loves you a lot and I know that. What I want to know now is, do you care about him too?”, he elaborated, looking straight into my eyes like he was trying to figure my thoughts.

I took a deep breath and sighed. “Yes, I do care about him, a lot. He... he’s one of the most important people in my life and I love him like my own kid. This morning was the scariest moment of my life.”, I said defeatedly as I tried to hold back tears. I didn’t what to think what would happen if Peter couldn’t make it, what if he died?

Dr.Strange seemed to be satisfied with my answer because he just nodded and took out a file from under his desk. “We don’t talk about our patients to people who aren’t related to them but consider that he’s an orphan and I think you’re the closest person he has as a father, I’m going to ignore the rules this once.”, he said without looking at me flipping the file and read it for a moment before he looked back up to me.

I was trying to process what he just said and was shocked, glad and scared at the same time. Shocked because somebody else had actually thought me as Peter’s father and glad because I was allowed to know about Peter’s condition. Scared because based on the doctor’s grim expression, it was going to be gravely bad.

“Peter’s cancer has spread to his other organs and his eyes are completely ruined. We need to get rid of those eyes as soon as possible before it affects his brain and causes more damages to his body. The closest date we have for the surgery is two days before his birthday. And for that, he is not going to stay in your room anymore because he will continue to remain in the critical ward for further treatment.”, I felt my heart broke as he told me the news and tears started to make its way down my cheeks.

“Two days before his birthday?! That’s in three weeks!”, he nodded his head to confirm my question. I put my head in my hands as I continued to cry in silence. This was really unfair. He didn’t deserve this. He was the most precious and the most innocent kid that I had ever known and this was completely unfair.

“I’m sorry. I hope that whatever happened after this, you’re going to stay strong for your and Peter’s sake. You may see him now. I’ll tell the nurse there to give the chemo that I’m sure you didn’t take this morning”, I lifted my head up and for the first time since I met him, he softened his face. Without wasting time, I stood up and walked out to go to my kid before he woke up.

—————————————————

Author’s Note

Another chapter because I’m don’t know if I’m going to have time to update after weekend.

Also I didn’t proofread this chapter so sorry for any grammatical error.


	10. Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language. So I want to apologise for the errors through out the story and if my English somehow annoys you.

12 hours after the Peter had been transferred to the critical ward, the boy was yet to wake up and even though all the staffs had told me that he was okay, it still didn't help me in reducing my worries. Pepper came as soon as she heard about what had happened and had cancelled all her meetings to be here at the hospital but she couldn't stay for the night and went home three hours ago.

I looked at him as I sat on the chair next to the bed with his small hand in mine. His lips had regained its colour but his face was still as pale as white paper. I tightened my grip on his hand as I recalled this morning incident. The memory made me realised that I had underestimated my love for him. It made me realised how important he was to me and I didn't even dare to imagine what was going to happen if I lost him.

Peter Parker, I saw him as the strongest person, the kindest, the most precious human being in the world and I was not going to lie about that. But most importantly, I saw him as my son, my own kid. I didn't notice when a tear slid down my cheek until I heard a nurse telling me that I should go to my room.

I didn't want to and I had tried everything to make them let me stay here with Peter but they insisted that I wasn't allowed to be here. I stood up and ran my hand through Peter's hair and cup his face before leaning down and kissed his forehead.

"I'll come here again tomorrow", I whispered into his ears even though I was pretty sure he couldn't hear me. The nurse just gave me a sad nod and I reluctantly headed to my room.

Once I arrived in my room, I quickly lied down on my bed and hugged mini Peter. My back was facing Peter's empty bed because sleeping without him made me feel a huge void in my heart that was so hard to ignored. After hours of silent tears, I let the sleep to take over me.

—————————————————

I jolted myself awake when there was a nurse that I barely knew barged into my room with slight panic on her face. For a moment I looked at her with baffled expression until I heard her spoke.

"Mr.Stark, we need you to go to Mr. Parker's room right now. He woke up but he won't calm down and he's been asking for you", she said quite breathlessly.

And then the memory of Peter dying yesterday hit me hard and I quickly flew out of my bed and ran to Peter's room. My breath was short and my heart felt like exploding but I couldn't decide if it was because of the run or because of my worry.

I was three doors away from Peter's room when I heard him shouting. "WHERE AM I? WHERE'S MY DAD? WHY CANT I SEE ANYTHING? I WANT MY DAD, PLEASE, I WANT MY DAD!", my heart clenched when he called me dad and shouting for me because he was terrified. I moved my legs faster, if it was possible, and when I entered the room, he was completely sobbingand there were three staffs, who had him in dead grip to constrained him from jumping out of his bed.

I knew it wasn't their fault but it made my blood boiled as I ran towards them. "Hey! Hands off my kid!", I pried their arms off not too nicely and quickly pulled the distressed boy into my embrace. "Tony? Dad? Is this you?", he stuttered as he gripped my front shirt in his hand and pressed his face into my chest. His eyes was wide and screamed 'terrified' and I could feel him trembled uncontrollably.

"Shh, it's okay Peter. I'm here now.", I said softly as I rubbed his back and tightened my arms around him to make him feel face. "Dad? Something is wrong. I can't see. I can't see, everything is dark. I can't see you.", he calmed down but not completely as he stuttered and my heart just broke as I let my own tears slipped down my face. I knew Dr.Strange said his eyes were ruined but I didn't expect him to lose his eye sight this soon.

I didn't know how to break it to him that the doctor needed to get rid of his eyes in less than three weeks. I just held him as I noticed that the clock on the wall showed that it was barely 3 in the morning. Without saying any words, I pulled him down on the bad and tried to put him back to sleep.

The staffs probably knew that it was best if I stayed there with him and so they left the room. After quite some time, we both fell back to sleep.

—————————————————

I put my arm around his shoulder as we walked out of Dr.Strange's room. He'd told Peter about the surgery and the boy didn't say a single word the entire time, his face was stoic and tight. I didn't know if he took the news well or not. I knew he must've been expecting it because I remembered that he told me about removing his eyes during his first day here but he didn't know how to react when it was actually happening.

He clasped my hand that was on his shoulder and pressed his body closer to mine as we made our way to the cafeteria. The way he walked slowly but without hesitancy even though he couldn't see a single thing showed how much he trusted me. I just smiled sadly and ran my hair through his hair.

When we arrived at the cafeteria, I made him sit at tour usual table and asked him to wait while I went to get our food. I contemplated whether to take two trays or one for a second before settled down with only one tray. Sam just looked sadly at me and offered a smile. Every one here loved Peter, so I wasn't surprised when the words about Peter travelled fast.

Once I got the food, I quickly head to the table, not wanting to make the boy to wait any longer. Instead of sitting across of him like I usually did, I slid next to him and pull him close. "Do you want me to feed you or you want to eat by yourself?", I asked him because I didn't want to treat him like his incapable to do anything and upset.

After a few moment of silence, he nodded, his face was still stoic and his eyes had lost its bright. It's really hard to see him from being happy all the time to being expressionless and quiet. I knew other patients and staffs thought the same thing too from the way they gave a sad glance at him every now and then. I brought the spoon to his lips and he slowly took in the food.

"How are you doing so far?", I asked.

"I don't know. I knew that I was going to be blind but now that I can't see... I don't know what I am supposed to do.", he responded, voice so low I could barely hear him. "I wasn't ready for this.", he added before running his fingertips under his eyes.

"I'm scared, but one of the thing I'd learnt from living with cancer and walking with death is that courage isn't the absence of fear, but rather the judgement of something else is more important than fear. And right now the most important thing to me is you, because you're the only person I have left. As long as you're with me, everything will be more bearable.", he said while waving his hand around like he wanted me to take it, and I did. I set the utensil down and pulled him closed.

"I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.", I said when he gripped my hand tighter. I closed my eyes and rest my cheek on his head as he pressed his face further into my chest.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
